我不知道我想要得是什么？

Do I need him?
The answer is...
He entered my life...
He gave me memories, happy and sad memories...
Sometimes...
I just think back the moment we together...
Although we did not snap a photo together, I actually snap it each of the moment with him in my mind and heart.
I misses his warm hand, his lips, his warm hug, his heart beat and his smell...
I misses all of that...
The way he always look at me with a smiling face whenever I looked at him...
All of it, is just... I don't want to let it go yet... I'm not willing to do it...
I still hoping a chance... Just a chance!
But life with or without him...
I doesn't affect much to me...
So, do I need him?
I'm keep on asking myself this question...
I didn't answer it...
If can be together again is perfect!
If can't, just back to friendship... but does he can do that?

Ignoring

Every time when I'm...
Scare
Lonely
Sad
I will just plug in my earphones in my ear...
I just want to filter the outer world voices...
I seem like to be in my own world...
That why I love to be in my dream...
No one cares no one disturb just so peacefully so happy~
I realise that, I become silence more than before...
Sometime talk more, wrong more...
(I just really can't find anyone who understand me)
You think I'm tough!!! Sorry I'm NOT!!!
I just pretend to be tough!

Should be Happy or Sad?

Should I be Happy or Sad?
This year birthday...
I think I'm quite lonely...

Even though my classmate come out on that day go watch movie "Don't be afraid of dark" then go Nando and eat our lunch with Siew Theng, Au Yong See, and also Jun Hing(the person who call a set and share, and he paid for it) Generally he is pay for me as my birthday present... LoL~ Siew Theng, Au Yong See and Kai Ling share and buy 2 T-shirt from FOS as my birthday present... which one of it is what I wanted to buy last time... hehehe...

At night, Jerric bought me to eat shabu shabu at Kuchai Lama if not mistaken... Each person also cost RM31.80... and we eat with a bit rush... cause the next day he need to work morning shift and need to get up very early... After eat, we went in the car... I got a surprise... He bought me a piece of cake from Pain de Gourmet, Sun Moulin, a chocolate cake... Yummy!!! and it really surprising me... I thought this year I couldn't eat any cake for my own birthday... I'm very happy that day he spend time for my birthday yet got surprise some more... hehehe...
(Jerric is the one who cerebrate on my birthday... yet not my sister) but is Ok she have send a message to me is already enough =(

At that day, actually I have already plan to celebrate with my friends on the day time and at night time, I wanted to celebrate with Ken... I already asked him to come out that day but I cancel it... because I have some cough on that day so I don't wan to let him see my sick face and spread virus to him... I misses him so much... Some disappointed that I couldn't met him that day... and... He did not want to wish me although I already told him that day was my birthday... =(

As for my bestie, she told me that she had bought a present to me... I'm so curious + excited to know what she bought for my birthday present... So So Curious!!!
(Sorry for that... I didn't bring that hp to college that day... if not I can meet you that day =( I misses you so much too...)

Ya... This year many friends wish me through sms and facebook... Well I'm a bit happy with it... I just hope -People who I care, remember me, care for me, wish me, and of course I hope they spend some time cerebrate with me-
(but none of my house mate wishes me... I think the facebook have a notification on it... yet not receiving one wishes from them... just only Hui Hui wishes me)

But this year really not in the mood to have celebration... cause of many assignment and coursework bordering me... that affect my mood... So conclusion I also do not know whether to be happy or not...

Feeling disturbance

How to do?
What should I do?
Today I study stress in Mr. Peter class...
I think I really facing stress seriously...
I'm facing mostly mentally stress...
This fucking environment really makes me feel so disturbance~
Why do I would mind of this? Actually it is NON OF MY BUSINESS...
I don't know why... I care about this stupid things...
How should end up all these things!!!
Could anyone teach me?

What was in my mind???
memories of my relationship with him...
house mate matters...
class mate doubt of my work ability...

This all stupid things should not be border me!
I try my best to be what I am...
I try to not cares about others sees me!
BUT~
It really make me stress~
I have become so sensitive... Recently!
Even though they are talking about others, but I think they are talking about me!
If this is in the long term, I'm probably will face MENTALLY BREAKDOWN!

Hope this all disturbance will end soon!